ARDREW-L ArchivesArchiver > ARDREW > 1999-10 > 0939328059
From: "Billy Covey" <>
Subject: [ARDREW] Watson Is Where It Wuz
Date: Thu, 7 Oct 1999 15:27:39 -0500
SHE WUZ THE HISTORY TEACHER
Miss Cindy Lou Chalkdust, our history teacher, wuz just a little
bit of a woman. Shoot, she wuzn't much older'n we wuz. I reckon she
must'a been no more'n twenty-one or so. I don't 'member a heck of a
lot 'bout history, but I'm goin' to tell you right now that Miss Cindy
Lou wuzn't no ugly woman. 'Cept for my girlfried Clara Sue I don't
'member seein' nobody much purttier. You got'a 'member though that
she had a little head start on Clara Sue. If they had a good fair
start it wouldn't be much in it.
Now folks, I'm goin' tell you up front that Clara Sue wuz my
girlfriend. I ain't goin' to deny that, not even for a little bit. I
got'a admit though that some of us ol’ boys used to set around and
dream about how either Miss Cindy could slow down, or we could speed
ourselves up a little so we could be the same age with her. Even I my
ownself sometimes thought about talkin' sumpin' besides history to
her. She'd see us ol’ boys settin' around dreamin' and even then we
didn't have no trouble recognizin' that look that women get when they
catch you in the act'a settin' around dreamin' 'bout sumpin'.
The Houston Twins, Glynn and Lynn, come up with a little trick
for Miss Chalkdust once. Glynn, or wuz it Lynn, had done and captured
hisself one of them small green snakes. He captured that thing for
biology class, but after much studyin' 'bout it, he decided it wuz
worth an "F" in biology if he could put that thing in Miss Cindy’s
middle desk drawer.
Well, one of them twins put that little ol’ green snake in her
desk. The plan wuz for her to come in, open the drawer and see the
snake. Whatever happened after that wuz goin' to be 'tween them two.
All us ol’ boys wuz in that classroom early. Shoot, it seemed
like we done waited a hunnert years'r more 'fore that little ol’ woman
finally got there. Now, you got'a 'member one thing. We didn't let
them girls in class know what wuz goin' on 'cause they had a purty
long history of tellin' on us when we done sumpin' they didn't think
wuz right. Well Miss Cindy brought herself into that classroom just as
the bell wuz ringin', the girls couldn't tell on us, and the waitin'
Miss Cindy walked herself in that room lookin' just about as
purty as a rose petal with dew on it. She had done put on one of them
snow white blouses like the ladies used to wear and you could see
plumb through that rascal to the bra straps. She had that thing
tucked into one of them skirts that made a full circle and it wuz a
hangin' just like it wuz supposed to. Folks, I don't mind tellin' you
that I almost felt ashamed of myself for not tellin'er that she had
that snake in her desk. I prob'ly would'a told her 'cept us boys had
an image to keep up. Tellin' wouldn't a done much for my image'n the
Good Lord knows I wuz havin' enough troubles with it as it already
Well, Miss Cindy set herself down behind that desk, fiddled
around with everthin' on it, looked everbody in the eye, and, of all
things, started talkin' 'bout history right then and there. Shoot, it
wuz a bunch a unhappy boys in that classroom. I didn't think she wuz
ever goin' to open that desk drawer. We wuz still waitin' and it
'Bout half way through that class, Miss Cindy opened her desk up
for sumpin' or the other. I don't reckon I ever will know what for.
When she got that drawer open a few inches, that snake decided that he
had done had just about all of that desk drawer he wanted. He
slithered, snakes slither you know, out'a that desk and fell hisself
right smack dab in the middle of Miss Cindy Lou’s lap. Now folks, I'd
be the first one to tell'ye just how much that little bit of'a woman
knows about history, and it's a considerable amount. I'm also the
first one to tell'ye that she don't know nuthin' 'bout how to get
shed of no snake.
In about the smoothest move I ever witnessed, that little ol’
woman jumped herself up from that chair, grabbed the bottom of that
circle skirt, and pulled that thing plumb up over her head'n started
to holler. Folks, it wuz a sight to behold. I'm tellin' you that as
a side show to all that hollerin' and a jumpin', Miss Cindy done
showed ever one of us just exactly what a full growed female form wuz
supposed to look like. I reckon it wuz some of us that didn't know
what them fancy underwear looked like after they left Woolworth's.
I'm goin' to tell you right now, we did after that show.
Now, while it's a natural born fact that we done got more out of
that plan than ol’ Glynn or Lynn ever thought we would, things wuzn't
goin' too good. You see, Miss Cindy wuz makin' a whole lot more
racket than what usually went on there in history. It didn't look
like it wuz goin' to stop no time soon neither. The main problem wuz
purty simple. That little ol’ woman still had unwanted and full
control of that snake. I'm talkin' 'bout a charmer's basket couldn't
held it better, even if it had a lid on it. I don't think it's any
question that I could'a helped her loose from that rascal if she'd had
me settin' up front by Clara Sue where I wanted to be in the first
place, but she didn't. I wuz settin' way back in the back of the
room. Everbody wuz up and runnin' around all over the place, the
girls wuz a screamin' just about as much as Miss Cindy, and I think ol
’ Marvin Ledbetter wet his pants.
Well, she finally got herself to thinkin' half way straight and
dropped her skirt which is what she wuz supposed to do in the first
place. That ended the dancin' lesson for the day. When I seen her
face, she had on one of them looks like women get when they ain't too
happy 'bout sumpin'. The last time I seen that ol’ snake he wuz
slitherin' out toward the back door, seemed to
skid a little over by Marvin Ledbetter's desk, and then he wuz gone.
Folks, the principle come bustin' in to that room 'bout that time
and I reckon everbody ought'a know that he wuzn't no happier'n Miss
Chalkdust. He wuz stirred up worse'n a mad hornet when his nest done
been hit with a stick, and he wuzn't bashful even a litle bit. The
first thing he done wuz to run them girls off'n and they didn't fuss
none that I can remember. After that, all of us ol’ boys had a big
job on our hands a tryin' to get our image back to where it wuz
supposed to be. You see, it wuz a bunch a whuppin' goin' on in that
history room. Some of'em wuz whupped 'cause they knowed about it,
some wuz whupped 'cause they didn't know who done it, I wuz whupped
for one of the other, and ol’ Skinny Lee Harris wuz whupped 'cause he
wuz late for class.
They tell me that history stays the same. It don't change none.
I'll betcha the teachin' of it does.
Creator of Ol' Tubby Joe Stottlemeyer
Author of: Watson Is Where It Wuz
|[ARDREW] Watson Is Where It Wuz by "Billy Covey" <>|