ARDREW-L ArchivesArchiver > ARDREW > 1999-10 > 0940445777
From: "Billy Covey" <>
Subject: [ARDREW] Watson Is Where It Wuz
Date: Wed, 20 Oct 1999 13:56:17 -0500
IT WUZ A CORN COB FIGHT
I don't reckon it's many folks around who's been in a corn cob
fight. Shoot, we used to be in'em all the time.
It wuz one time a while back when a bunch of us Ol’ Watson boys
bunched up over at Mr. Eugene Fudknuckle's barn to pass a little time
away and have us a little fun.
I'm goin' to tell'ye right now, it ain't much more fun to have
than bein’ in a good corn cob fight. 'Fore I go any further, I ought
to tell'ye that it's one part that ain't all that funny, and that's
when'ye get yoreself hit up side the head with one of them wet corn
cobs. That ain't even close to bein' funny. Other'n that though,
it's a good way to pass to the time.
Well, we chose up sides, divided ourselves up into two bunches,
and commenced to flang them cobs. Folks, it wuz corn cobs flyin'
everwhere. One of'em hit me on the arm and took all my laughin' away.
Shoot, I wuzn't even smilin' no more. It wuz anuther'n hit Ol’ Tubby
Joe Stottlemeyer right smack dab on the end of his nose'n he wuzn't
happy no more neither. Some more of them ol’ boys got theirselves
hit'n fore long it wuzn't nobody havin' no fun.
Now, if we'd a had any sense about us a'tall, we'd a quit
throwin' them cobs at just about this point. Well, it ain't none of
us ever been bragged on for havin' a whole bunch'a sense so we didn't
stop. We kept on flangin' them cobs. The only difference wuz, we had
done quit usin' them dry cobs and wuz lookin' for them wet ones. They
weigh more, travel faster, and make knots when they hit'ye. Now, we
all know that when them thing start to make knots, the fun shore 'nuff
goes out of it. It might even'a been a few of'em gettin' mad by that
time. I wuz even throwin' the things a little harder my ownself.
I reckon things wuz beginnin' to get out'a hand a little bit
'cause it wuzn't no way a body could get out'a the way of them cobs no
matter how good he wuz. Shore 'nuff, it wuzn't long 'fore it
happened. One of us messed up bad.
Folks, it wuz one of them wet cobs missed everbody, sailed over
the bob wire fence, and hit Eugene Fudknuckle's ol’ plowmule right
'tween the ears. Now, you have to understand that Eugene's mule
didn't like ' nuthin' messin' 'round with his ears even if'ye wuz just
puttin' the bridle on'em. He shore as heck didn't 'preciate bein' hit
with no wet corn cob. He took off just as fast as he knowed how to.
I reckon things wouldn't a been too bad if Ol’ Eugene hadn't a
had that rascal hooked up to a double shovel plow. To make things
worse, Eugene wuz a hold'a the plow and had them checklines around his
back. A feller don't have to be too smart to figger out that when the
mule took off with that plow, Ol’ Eugene Fudknuckle took off with'em.
It wuz a sight folks. That mule, that plow, and Ol’ Eugene tore
Miz Fudknuckle's garden plumb up. It wuzn't much left of it by the
time that mule got hisself stopped. Eugene had more knots on'im than
all the cob fighter's put together, and you didn't have to be one of
them college graduates to figger out that he wuzn't havin' no fun
When Eugene finally got hisself loose from them plow lines, he
wuz hollerin' for Miz Fudknuckle to bring his shotgun. He wuz
swearin' that he wuz goin' to shoot the whole bunch of us.
It wuz at about this time that we all decided it wuz time to go,
and we did. I mean, we wuz pickin'em up and then we wuz layin'em
down. We run ourselves all the way to Pea Ridge and wuz thirsty as
all getout by the time we got to Kings Store so we all stopped to get
us one of the grape drinks.
We wuz all standin' out there under one of them big oak trees
drinkin' them grapes when the sheriff drove up and stopped. Folks, I
almost had myself a heart attack right there.
He looked like he wuz starein' me right in the eye when he asked,
"What you ol’ boys up to?"
Tubby Joe Stottlemeyer answered, "Nuthin' Sheriff. It ain't much
to do 'round here. It ain't never any excitement."
The sheriff turned to leave then he turned hisself around and
said, "It shore is hot today, ain't it?"
All of us answered at the same time, "It shore is Sheriff. It
Creator of Ol' Tubby Joe Stottlemeyer
Author of: Watson Is Where It Wuz
|[ARDREW] Watson Is Where It Wuz by "Billy Covey" <>|