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Archiver > BRETHREN > 2007-08 > 1186351913


From: "Roberta J. Estes" <>
Subject: Re: [BRE] Division of 1881 - 1883 -- Ashland influence
Date: Sun, 5 Aug 2007 18:11:53 -0400
In-Reply-To: <3deab0c90708041335u3f4f049ej5b79759f3362e6d1@mail.gmail.com>


I have really been enjoying these past few days of discussing the Brethren
cultural and spiritual beliefs and practices. I am removed from this
religion by two generations, but this discussion has helped me to see how my
mother was influenced by the Brethren faith (that of her father) and how her
grandmother's early presence in her life influenced her lifelong.

My mother's parents were young parents in the depression years. My
grandmother worked because my grandfather had a drug store which went belly
up because he gave everyone credit because he just couldn't say no. After
that, my grandfather did a lot of odd jobs, sold tractors, sold chickens and
eggs, etc. but the primary breadwinner was his wife who worked in Warsaw
Indiana for the welfare department. Because of this situation and because
my mother contracted rheumatic fever as a young child, her grandmother
Ferverda, who was Brethren, came and spent a lot of time with the family and
took care of mother. Mother, before she passed, told me of her very fond
memories of her very sweet grandmother....and the thing that finally clued
me where to look for this woman/family...that she always wore her little
white hat. She also never drove, and even after her husband passed in 1925,
she still didn't drive. Her children would drive her to wherever she needed
to be. She spent a lot of time going between the children's houses taking
care of sick kids and providing whatever help they needed. She died in
1939. My Mother was ill at the time with her heart condition, and her
mother would not allow her to go to the funeral. At the time she told her
that she would not understand all of the things and she did not want her to
be upset.

I suspect my mother was privy to a lot of Brethren funerals, because she
talked about how she could not stand the sound of dirt dropping on the
casket. I didn't realize this was a Brethren practice until these
discussions the past few days. Many of these practices have been adopted as
part of our family culture for a long time and I never realized where they
came from.

She also talked about how her Brethren Grandmother never had Christmas as we
know it today. Instead, she had a large Easter celebration. I suspect that
this too is steeped in Brethren culture that I'm not aware of.

The jewelry topic is interesting. To my knowledge, I don't recall my
grandmother ever wearing a wedding ring. However, when my mother graduated
from high school, or about that time, her parents gave her a ring with with
a very (very) small diamond in it. When my Mom married my step-father (my
real father had been killed and I don't know about their rings), she only
wanted a band. She then took the small ring her parents had bought her and
put it with the plain band. After my step-father died, she removed the
wedding ring but continued to wear the small diamond ring.

>From the other side of the family, Mom inherited a quite large diamond
cluster ring which she never wore. When Mother was preparing to pass on,
she asked me which ring I wanted, as she only had 2 and there were 2 of us
siblings. (She thought the female should get first pick of the rings.) I
told her I wanted the tiny ring she wore every day of her life, not the
large cluster one even though it was clearly of much more financial value.
She looked rather surprised, but I now have that ring and wear it on a chain
around my neck on many days, especially when I need to feel close to her.
My sister-in-law, who was also raised Brethren but is now Methodist, has the
cluster ring, wears no wedding ring, and of course, never wears the cluster
ring either. And as for me, I do like jewelry, and my husband bought me a
beautiful engagement ring when we became engaged. However, after we were
married, I asked him for a plain small gold band. He came home with a wide
carved band. We went back to the store and I selected a thin rose gold
plain hand pounded band which I love which I wear when I wear a wedding band
at all. I had no idea until just the past few days that jewelry was taboo
for the Brethren, although had I thought about it much I would have guessed
as much. It is odd though how this cultural aspect while not passed down
intact as a religious "guideline" or rule, still was passed down as a
cultural influence, unknown to me for sure, and possibly unknown to my
mother as well. I suspect that a lot of things like this find their way
into our lives and we never think about or know of their genesis or roots.

I have really enjoyed these discussions and the remembrances of people from
the different congregations. Thank you everyone for sharing and for
tolerating those of us who aren't Brethren now but thirst to learn.

Bobbi Estes



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