COCHAT-L Archives

From: Teresa Davis <>
Subject: A little Christmas Humor
Date: Sun, 14 Dec 1997 10:04:32 -0600

One of the Illinois people sent this out, and I just thought I would
share it with all of you (whoever is on this chat list)

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS - What Really Happened

December 14, 1972

My dearest darling John:
Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge
in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a
hundred times for thinking of me this way.

My love always,
Agnes

========================================================>
December 15, 1972

Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two
turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They
are just adorable.

All my love,
Agnes

=========================================================
December 16, 1972

Dear John:
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't
deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling
but I must insist, you've been too kind.

All my love,
Agnes

=========================================================
December 17, 1972

Dear John:
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they
are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are being
too romantic.

Affectionately,
Agnes

==========================================================
December 18, 1972

Dearest John:
What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one
for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly,
all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,
Agnes

========================================================
December 19, 1972

Dear John:
When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying
on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh? These
geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are
complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.

Cordially,
Agnes

========================================================
December 20, 1972

John:
What's with you and these crazy birds?? Seven swans a swimming?
What kind of joke is this? There's bird poop all over the house and
they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a
nervous wreck. It's not funny. So enough with the birds, OK?

Sincerely,
Agnes

=========================================================
December 21, 1972

O.K. Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What on earth am I going to do with 8
maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids
a milking, but they had to bring their cows. There is manure all
over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Please stop.

Agnes

=========================================================
December 22, 1972

Hey Creep:
What are you? Some kind of lunatic? Now there's nine pipers piping.
It would help if they at least played the same song. The cows are
getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds.
What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to
evict me.

You'll get yours !
Agnes

==========================================================
December 23, 1972

You Jerk:
Now there's ten ladies dancing. This is getting ridiculous.
They've broken most of my valuables and ripped up all of my
carpeting because they couldn't spin properly. There are feathers
everywhere and I think I'm allergic. On top of that the cows can't
sleep and they've got diarrhea. The Commissioner of Buildings has
subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be
condemned. I'm calling the police on you !

Agnes

=========================================================
December 24, 1972

Listen idiot:
My house is trashed and twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've
been trampled to death by eleven lords leaping on them. It's like
a moshpit, and the dancing ladies are threatening to sue. The
police have been by and they seem to think this is all my fault.
What did I do to deserve this?

I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy,
Agnes

=========================================================
December 25, 1972

Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers drumming
which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes
McHolstein.

The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should
come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss
McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been
instructed to shoot you on sight.!!!!

With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially,
Law Offices of
Dewey, Cheatham & Howe
We're back!

You're somewhat nutty SC
Terry

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• A little Christmas Humor by Teresa Davis <>