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From: "Karen Mitchell" <>
Subject: [COPueblo] Geneaholism Caused by Virus
Date: Wed, 28 Aug 2002 09:27:02 -0600

Geneaholism Caused by Virus

H. David Morrow

Problems with computer viruses have forced me to do other virus
research. This led me into subjects besides computers. For
example, I found numerous documents, dating all the way back to
Sigmund Freud, that clearly indicate Geneaholism is caused by a
virus.

Freud concluded this after extensive testing on a number of
subjects. His first indication that this was not a mental
disease came from the fact that geneaholics salivate
uncontrollably when passing a cemetery. He concludedthat this
was neither learned behavior nor genetically inherited.

"Little children," Freud said (in German, of course), "have
absolutely no inclination to run about trying to find dead
relatives. Such activity in young patients would clearly
indicate a genetic defect. This is not the case. Therefore, this
affliction must come from something they pick up in the air,
like the "common cold."

Perhaps, and this is my own conclusion, the geneaholic is
sneezed upon by someone at least two generations older.
Grandfathers are especially prone to unannounced bodily
explosions and could be carriers of the GhV (Geneaholic Virus).

Further searching, mostly in libraries while waiting for my wife
to finish viewing a census film, uncovered some of the early
warning signs of the virus. Gradual behavioral changes must be
observed in the subject. For example, a well organized person
(neatnick) slowly becomes unorganized, even sloppy (slopnick).

The first signs are increasing stacks of documents and papers
spread all over the house. At the point these piles appear in
more than one room, the GhV is past the early treatment phase.
Slopnickism follows contraction of GhV as surely as certain
expletives are uttered by a person hitting him/herself on the
thumb with a hammer.

Early recognition of GhV and immediate treatment must begin as
soon as the first room becomes unnavigable due to piles of
notebooks, copies of vital record certificates and genealogical
computer software. Caregivers (live relatives and loved ones)
need not be concerned with catching the virus. Freud himself
noted that geneaholism only rarely afflicts two people in an
immediate family, although he did report multiple occurrences
if more distant relatives are included.

Another sign of GhV is often confused with genetic sloppiness.
Note: sloppiness and slopnickism are two separate and distinct
maladies. One treatment for sloppiness is to let the subject
exist with dirty clothes and dishes until he/she decides to
clean up. This treatment will not work for slopnickism, as the
patient simply does not recognize that there is a problem.

Weight loss and sleeplessness are other confusing signs of GhV.
Gradual loss of weight comes from the patient spending constant
hours in front of a computer reading family name databases
instead of eating. Lack of sleep is from laying awake trying to
figure out how (and why) great Aunt Tillie wound up in New
Mexico when she had children in Kansas, was married in Michigan,
and was born in Rhode Island.

Absent a doctor who understands the patient's lifestyle, you
will probably get a diagnosis of some disease that can be
treated with medications or diet. As yet, there is no medication
available that treats GhV.

However, I have discovered a formula that prevents it from
getting worse. No longer will spouses have to face wearing
yesterday's underwear inside-out, or having unrepaired gutters
and down spouts, or having uncut grass in front of the house.

I am willing to sell this formula for a paltry sum, especially
when compared to the costs of developing a new drug and testing
it. If you know someone with Merk, Pfizer, Bayer or other major
drug company, and if you act as a finder for them, I'm sure
they will be happy to pay you a few million as a finder's fee.
They will probably give you the money as soon as the formula is
approved by the Genealogical Health Association (GHA).

Failing to find a drug manufacturer, I will have to move to
South America and start my own cartel.

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