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Archiver > CORNISH > 2003-02 > 1044426362


From: "Jan Lannan" <>
Subject: Re: [CON] Off Topic - Humour.
Date: Wed, 5 Feb 2003 17:27:27 +1100
References: <BA629F11.F7A5%visualarts@ozemail.com.au>


Corinne, it's too late. When she's not at your place this horrible and I
might add, uninvited, person moves in on me.

perplexed, Jan

----- Original Message -----
From: "Corinne Thompson" <>
To: <>
Sent: Sunday, February 02, 2003 10:10 AM
Subject: [CON] Off Topic - Humour.


>
>
>
>
> Even though this lady is residing in MY house, she may at some time appear
> in yours. Be alert!
> A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my
house.
>
> I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I
> certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there,
> and the next day she was!
>
> She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most
part,
> but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I
look
> in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole
thing,
> completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude!
>
> I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back. The least she
> could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while,
I
> find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a
sofa
> cushion, but it is not nearly enough.
>
> I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money
from
> me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all
gone!
> I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old
lady
> is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to
buy
> wrinkle cream.
>
> And ... money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing. Food seems to
> disappear at analarming rate--especially the good stuff like ice cream,
> cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better
watch
> it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes
> this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to
> make me think I am
> putting on weight, too.
>
> For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games,
like
> going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they
> don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find
anything.
> This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat andorganized.
>
> She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail,
> newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read
> it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on
my
> TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers.
>
> She has done other things ....... like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum
> cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She even made
> my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.
>
> Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away,
> applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the
> jars.
>
> She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something
on,
> she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She
> looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from
> seeing how great they look on me.
>
> Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She
> came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license,
and
> just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!
> I hope she never finds out where YOU live!
>
> Kindest Regards ...... Corinne in Melbourne, Australia.
>
>
>
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>

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