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Archiver > CRF > 1999-10 > 0939856763


From: "Chuck & Jo" <>
Subject: [CRF-L] Fw: [Fwd: deep thoughts]
Date: Wed, 13 Oct 1999 17:19:23 -0600


Deep thoughts
> >Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
> >_______________________________________________
> >I*m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
> >_______________________________________________
> >I am in shape. Round*s a shape...
> >__________________________________________
> >I*m desperately trying to figure out, why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
> >_______________________________________________
> >Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
> >_______________________________________________
> >I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific
> >______________________________________________
> >Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog*s face he gets mad at you?
But
> >when you take him in a car he sticks his
> >head out the window.
> >_______________________________________________
> >Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and
> >anyone
> >going faster than you is a maniac.
> >_______________________________________________
> >You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a
day
> >when she was 60.
> >She*s 97 today and we don*t know where she is.
> >______________________________________________
> >The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be
> >caught dead in otherwise.
> >______________________________________________
> >Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing a bank
> >robbery has just taken place.
> >______________________________________________
> >I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every
> >other
> >one. I figure no matter how long
> >somebody stands there picking the locks, they*re always locking three.
> >______________________________________________
> >The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is
> >suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best
> >friends. If they are ok, then it*s you.
> >_______________________________________________
> >Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent
> >image there. I think if you*ve got a shirt with a bloodstain all over it,
> >maybe laundry isn*t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the
> >body before
> >you do the wash.
> >_______________________________________________
> >I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say
> >because it*s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my
> >mother-in-law is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.
> >________________________________________________
> >A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. *You
> >know
> >a cow was murdered for that jacket*?
> >She sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, *I didn*t know there were
any
> >witnesses. Now I*ll have to kill you too.ΒΆ
> >________________________________________________
> >Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library; the
> >James Carter Library; the Ronald Reagan
> >Library and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

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