Down-Home-Chatter-L Archives

From: <>
Subject: [DHC] Breaking Wind
Date: Fri, 8 Sep 2000 23:42:56 EDT

Breaking Wind

There was an old married couple that
had happily lived together for nearly
forty years. The only friction in their
marriage was caused by the husband's
habit of breaking wind nearly every
morning as he awoke. The noise would
always wake up his wife and the smell
would cause her eyes to water as she
would choke and gasp for air.

Nearly every morning she would plead
with him to stop ripping one in the
morning. He told her that he couldn't
help it. She begged him to see a doctor
to see if anything could be done but
the husband wouldn't hear of it. He
told her that it was just a natural
bodily function and then he would laugh
in her face as she tried to wave the
fumes away with her hands. She told him
that there was nothing natural about it
and if he didn't stop, he was one day
going to "fart his guts out".

The years went by and the wife continued
to suffer and the husband continued to
ignore her warnings about "farting his
guts out" until One Thanksgiving morning.
Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to
prepare the family feast. She fixed pumpkin
pie, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course
a turkey. While she was taking out the
turkey's innards, a thought occurred to
the wife as to how she might solve her
husband's problem. With a devilish grin
on her face, she placed the turkey guts
into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs
hours before her flatulent husband would
awake. While he was still soundly asleep,
she pulled back the covers and then gently
pulled back her husband's jockey shorts.
She then placed all of the turkey guts
into her husband's underwear, pulled them
up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back
downstairs to finish preparing the family
meal.

Several hours later she heard her husband
awake with his normal loud butt-trumpeting.
This was soon followed by a blood curdling
scream and the sound of frantic footsteps
as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom.
The wife could not control herself and her
eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the
floor laughing. After years of putting up
with him she had finally gotten even. About
twenty minutes later, her husband came
downstairs in his blood stained underpants
with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit
her lip to keep from laughing and she asked
him what was the matter.

He said, "Honey, you were right - all
those years you warned me and I didn't
listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well you always told me that I would end
up farting my guts out one of these days
and today it finally happened. But with
God's help and these two fingers, I think
I got 'em all back in."

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