GEN-TRIVIA-ENG-L ArchivesArchiver > GEN-TRIVIA-ENG > 2003-03 > 1047319097
From: "Becky Higginbottom" <>
Subject: [trivvies] Lizzie's Grans
Date: Mon, 10 Mar 2003 09:58:17 -0800
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Lizzie. You have more to offer a child or another adult than you realize..
you have had adventures and experiences that most folks do not have.. I
still think you should have as much contact with your daughter and grans as
possible.. So you can't have them come to your house for a long holiday, BUT
you can talk to them on the phone and write.. I hope they get to know you
better and better.. Being a "Playful" gram isn't everything.. Being one that
listens to them is very important. Are you sharing your stories with them..
your music..your adventures.. you should! and Lizzie.. what's to stop you
from going to the school to help with the kindergardeners (6year olds) you
never know when you might become Gramma to someone who really needs one!
> Becs wrote:
> > Lizzie I
> > think Pat is right, and how about inviting your granddaughters to your
> > house for a school break.. If you don't ask, you will never know if
> > they can come.. If you were to have them there during the Well Dressing,
> > WOW, what an experience for you to share with them.
> I know, Becs! That's what breaks my heart. It cannot be. My daughter and
> daughters are strangers to me. After I was sent away, my name was not
> mentioned again. Meanwhile I took myself off to live in an isolated place
> where children never came and women only rarely. I concentrated on the
> Mountain Rescue, the weather station, the red deer census and the climbers
> hostel ... and every few months we set off south to tour the folk-clubs
> smokey bars, university concert halls, festival marquees, TV and Radio
> studios ... no kids in those places either. I have nothing in common with
> people who have lived ordinary lives in ordinary houses. In ordinary
> converstaions I have nothing to say. It's like being locked in a glass
> that nobody else can see.
> I could hardly look a child in the face until after I saw Louise and the
> girls in April 2000. I deliberately took myself to the Family Fun Day at
> Dressing that year, after which I knew it was OK to offer myself as
> co-ordinator. I can bear to watch now, but I wouldn't know what to do with
> child ... let alone those two. They are not the sort of people who holiday
> with Grannys ... they go to Egypt and India and other exotic places.
> Louise's father owns property in Teneriffe.
> Neil and I live in a house of just 800 sq feet, with no garden. If
> comes to stay, I sleep on the sitting-room floor ... and Neil finds it
> to cope with adults ... let alone children. He shouts at them in the
> ... in Safeways ... he mutters and curses all day long. The whole world is
> in his way, and most of my time is taken up with him.
> Becs, it isn't the lack of contact now that hurts so much. It was very
> of Pat to offer herself for adoption (she was born just ten days after
> Louise) ... but it's all those years we can never regain. I haven't walked
> to the school gate ... or sat through the night with a sick child ... or
> made party dresses ... or messed up the kitchen making buns together. I
> haven't cheered at sports days or offered tissues and sherry for a broken
> heart ... and we can't wind the clock back. I'm nearly sixty-one and the
> time has gone. I'm just glad she's healthy, financially OK, and fulfilled
> her work ... especially after all those years not knowing if she was alive
> or dead. I went away when Louise was four. After she was eight and Bill
> remarried I heard no more. I phoned and was told to go away and forget her
> ... to send no cards or presents. I had legal rights I could have fought
> for, but Bill said *I know you will comply because you wouldn't want her
> torn apart as you were.* He was right. It was kinder to Louise for me to
> turn away. She was the important one ... and I knew her stepmother and
> she would be good to her. ...
> I guess I qualified as a mother ... I just didn't get to practice.
> hugs ... Lizzie
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