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From: "Mary Pattle Hover" <>
Subject: [trivvies] Sir Ian of Tiptree...
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2003 14:16:22 -0500


Dear Sir Ian...

I, Mary Queen of Scots, hereby welcome you to Trivington, on behalf of
The Royal Court & The People (Peasants, Publicans, etc.). You will, of
course, be expected to follow the rules closely (just follow them
closely, that's all - not too closely or you might step in
something...like I seem to do on other lists who shall be nameless...).
Herewith, heretofore and notwithstanding or sitting, are the Royal Rules
of Trivington, as set out by Her Majesticness:

Rule #1 ~ Always back out of the Throne Room (making sure you put the
seat down first).

Rule #2 ~ Always keep your armour on & be At-The-Ready - you never know
when a fire-breathing drunken dragon will enter Trivington, bent on
kidnapping the Queen, District Nurse or that lady who runs the fancy hat
& shoe shop (we Royals realize that armour can be a bit difficult at
times, but remember, you're doing it for Queen & England!!)(have filter
fitted inside helmet so that whatever's in there can't get out).

Rule #3 ~ There is no Rule #3.

Rule #4 ~ Squeak only when squoken to. Get free tube of Armour-Lube at
Trivington Garage.

Rule #5 ~ No clanking after 10 pm (3-1/2 hours earlier in Newfoundland
but they don't care as long as you're not after their codfish).

Rule #6 ~ The Queen's colours are Turquoise & Parple, so be sure you
carry them on your lance at all jousting tournaments and tea-parties.

Rule #7 ~ Remember you are a Knight of the Realm (which now includes
Trivington). Sleep in your armour so that you don't bump your head
should you fall out of your four-poster and frighten your Blue Charger.

Rule #8 ~ Do not frighten the Trivington children with any of your
Knightly Pranks. Our children are our Future (not my fault - I read it
on the back of a matchbox) and you mustn't damage their little psyches.

Rule #9 ~ No smoking when armour faceplate is in the down position,
unless this ploy is used to confuse dragons in combat, by having smoke
come out of your nose.

Rule #10 ~ I never met this person before and claim no
responsibiliititititititity for anything he may be or do, appear to be,
try to be, say, shout, eat, drink or leave in front of your door.

Signed & sworn to on this the 31st day of March, 2003 A.D.

Marie, Reine d'Ecosse, l'Angleterre et La Belle France.

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