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Archiver > GenHumor > 2007-01 > 1168798225


From: "Bob Donohoe" <>
Subject: [GENHUMOR] Whatever --- January 13, 2007
Date: Sun, 14 Jan 2007 13:10:25 -0500
References: <000601c73726$659cac80$b713e547@roberte8e43aac>


> Summer Time
> By Kay Nelson
>
> When the livin' is easy?
> Green grass? Mow it.
> Garden? Hoe it.
> Borders? Clip them.
> Asters? Snip them.
> Rose bed? Weed it.
> Elm tree? Feed it.
> Apples? Spray them.
> Beetles? Slay them.
> Saplings? Bind them.
> Yard men? Find them.
> =====
> As Special Services Noncom of his unit in the Philippines during
> World War II, it was Tarleton R. Andes's duty to introduce Danny Kaye
> before a performance in Manila. Danny walked onstage and, to the surprise
> of all present, asked that the houselights be turned on.
> "Would everyone above the rank of sergeant please stand?" Danny asked.
> The officer occupying the front rows, proudly stood up.
> "Now," Kaye continued, "will GIS in the back come forward and take
> the seats being vacated by the officers? As soon as that change takes
> place, the show can begin. I've been sent here to entertain the GIs, you
> see."
> And as the applauding officers and GIs took their new seats, Danny
> threw himself into one of the most memorable performances Tarleton had
> ever seen.
> =====
> I was on the island of Guam when news of this incident arrived via "the
> grape vine" after the above incident occurred. News of it's occurrence
> spread all over the Pacific Islands that the United States forces had
> taken back from Japan in the Pacific. I also noted, that the next two
> USO shows that visited our unit, the Commissioned Officers sat in the back
> and the enlisted occupied the up front rows of seats.
> =====
> Vacation Haunts
> Richard Armour
>
> Did I leave the water running?
> Did I double bolt the door?
> Did I, with all care and cunning,
> Do each crucial little chore?
> Did I water all the plant life?
> Did I also feed the fish?
> Did I spray the sink for ant life?
> Did I wash that dirty dish?
> Did I leave a light on, burning?
> Lest some burglar know I roam?
> One more question, with some yearning.
> Why then didn't I stay at home?
> ======
> A blond was on the witness stand. (Note: Why do they call it a "stand"
> when you can see that the witnesses are sitting down?) The lawyer asked
> a question which was difficult for her to answer So she asked, "Is it
> still perjury if I cross my finger?"
> ======
> The Vietnamese waitresses at the
> Can To Officers Club were familiar only with Catholic and Buddhist clergy,
> who are celibate. The women were astonished, therefore, when American
> Protestant chaplains would show them pictures of their wives and children,
> or when a single chaplain might even ask for a date. Soon the waitresses
> were referring to the Protestant clergymen as the "Can Do Chaplains."
> ======
>
>
>
> >
>
>

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