Listowners-L Archives

Archiver > Listowners > 2005-03 > 1109981709


From: "Sharyn Hay" <>
Subject: Re: [LO] Advice regarding bossy, getting irate lister
Date: Fri, 4 Mar 2005 16:20:52 -0800
References: <ff.e8bbbfb.2f5a16fd@aol.com> <6.2.1.2.0.20050304201657.04c99398@pop.sprynet.com>


----- Original Message -----
From: "Darrell A. Martin" <>
To: <>
Sent: Friday, March 04, 2005 12:23 PM
Subject: Re: [LO] Advice regarding bossy, getting irate lister


snip

> Hi, Marilyn:
>
> It is my choice to distinguish, as much as possible, between offences against me (off list); and against the list. In the former
case, since I have established that I *do* put up with a lot off list, someone being abusive may just be having a terrible day and
not realizing that the line has been crossed. I'll provide a lot of leeway in such situations.
>
> But this is not an absolute, either. If I were to get a message filled with obscenities and personal attacks, rather than a failed
attempt at constructive criticism that just came across as obnoxious, I would do the same as you without a second thought.
>
> Darrell
>
>
> Darrell A. Martin - RootsWeb list admin

As I've mellowed as a LO I've learned that your approach usually works best
for me also. While I do put the person or Reject immediately, I make an
attempt to correspond and find out what is really going on. It only took one
success story to change my thinking. A man posted a really irate message
about Rootsweb and Ancestry to a list. His theme was one of "you people
just take our money and don't give us service". I took the time to explain
privately that RW is free, run by volunteers, etc. He wrote back a message
full of more angry misinformation. I answered with corrections to his
statements and sent the URLs where he could check himself. He sent me back
a wonderfully humble apology for having taken out his frustration on my
list and included an explanation about his personal problems with not
having the money to pursue his love of genealogy. I was able to send him
information about free resources and he is once again a contributing
subscriber to the list. It was well worth the time and effort and it has
made me less quick to take offense when people get irate.

Regards,
Sharyn

This thread: