MIDLOTHIAN-L Archives

From: "Sharon Howell" <>
Subject: [MLN] Re: daughter in law, etc
Date: Thu, 27 Nov 2003 22:44:26 -0500

----- Original Message -----
From: "Sharon Howell" <>
To: <>; <>
Sent: Thursday, November 27, 2003 10:39 PM
Subject: Re: daughter in law, etc


> The problem, at least in the U.S., is that the legality of common law
> spouses varies from state to state. Here in Ohio, where I've worked as a
> social worker for 15 years, primarily with the poor, I've encountered
> couples who are native Ohioans as well as those who've moved here from
other
> states, who consider themselves common law married. The problem in Ohio is
> that common law was outlawed about 20 years ago, but most people don't
know
> it. Also, its legality varies from state to state. I've encountered
couples
> who have been together for many years, had multiple children, and had no
> idea that they weren't legally married. When I've told them, they're
> skeptical, then they just don't care. Considering how acceptable living
> together is nowadays, with or w/o children, I tend to see their point,
> although I personally am not ok with it, even though my daughter lives
with
> her boyfriend.
>
> You're right, it is totally semantics. The language has not caught up with
> the changing social mores. Relationships that used to be totally taboo are
> commonplace now. Single parenthood is also basically acceptable, as are
> mixed racial relationships.
>
> Actually, the child I used as an example is the young daughter of my
younger
> son's ex-fiancé. She called my son "daddy", and called her biological
father
> "daddy Nick". Considering that this young woman now has 2 broken
> engagements under her belt, her unfortunate daughter may be joining the
> ranks of children who end up calling a succession of their mother's
> boyfriends "daddy", until the males get wise to the mother and move on.
>
> Parenthood is definitely not simply biological---2 of my adult children
are
> adopted from Korea, and I call my stepmom, whom I love dearly, "mom".
She's
> more of a mother to me than my biological mother, who died 33 years ago,
> ever was. Biology is a "side issue" in our family; it has little to do
with
> blood relations and much more to do with simple love.
>
> I'm rambling, so I'll stop now. My personal soapbox!!
> Sharon
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: <>
> To: <>; <>
> Sent: Thursday, November 27, 2003 9:09 AM
> Subject: daughter in law, etc
>
>
> > Hello Joan and sharon.
> >
> > I've watched this topic with interest as I am one of these
> > problematic women living with a man, but not legally married!
> > <smile
> > My thoughts are these ...if a couple is committed enough to share
> > a home, and they do so for any length of time, they are in the eyes
> > of the Canadian government at least, considered to be commonlaw
> > spouses. I usually call my "partner" husband, and refer to his
> > brother as my brother in law. (Partner does bring to mind lesbian or
> > gay relationships...!! so I when I do say my partner, I always follow
> > it up with his first name!!) But then again, I also call my half-
> > brother, my brother because I am as close to him as a full
> > sister/brother!!
> >
> > It is semantics, really. If you feel she's like a daughter in law, then
> > call her so. She'd probably appreciate that!
> > I have the added confusion of having a step daughter (but not a real
> > step daughter as we're not married!). My mom treats her just as
> > she treats all her natural grandchildren and refers to her as her
> > grand-daughter. As a result, she calls my mom and step father
> > (whoa, another confusion...this man has absolutely NO blood
> > connection !!) Grandma Barb and Papa Tom, just as the other
> > grandchildren do. Somehow, adding the first name for her makes it
> > less familial (she calls her natural grandparents simply Granny and
> > Nana.)
> >
> > As for what do children call one of their parent's new spouses or
> > partners...well, I think it is great that the child in the example given
> > calls her's daddy. Afterall, fatherhood isn't simply biological. My
> > step father has been more of a father to me in my life than my
> > biological father ever was....another way to do it is to call the
> > person "uncle" first name, as we sometimes call those really good
> > friends of our parents who aren't really our uncles and aunts. My
> > stepdaughter just calls me by my first name. I've seen other
> > children call the partner Daddy first name or Mommy first name --
> > like the grandma barb example, it provides a connection, but
> > somehow seperates it from that natural one....I used to call the
> > mother of my very best girl friend Mom Morrell (her last name)....
> >
> > just some thoughts!
> > Keren
> >
> > It's all about personal preference!
> >
> >
> >
>

This thread:

• [MLN] Re: daughter in law, etc by "Sharon Howell" <>