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Subject: [NC-Cemeteries] Yogealogy exercises
Date: Sun, 29 Jul 2001 08:40:16 EDT

This article was in the recent Digest of Rootsweb's Missing Links. I enjoyed
them. Hope you do too.
donna

Here are some simple yogealogy exercises (gen-kriyas) to get you
started. All mantras are to be repeated for the duration of the
exercise, except when noted otherwise.

Rock Pose
Posture: Sit in a silent, darkened room in front of a
microfilm reader, peering intently at pale, blurry handwriting.
(Your eyes may soon glaze over. Don't worry. This is normal.)
Lean forward tensely at an uncomfortable angle. Hold this
position for eight hours.
Mudra/Action: While maintaining the posture, raise your
right hand in front of you at a 45-degree angle from your body,
and make slow, circular, cranking motions until you lose all
feeling in your right arm.
Mantra: (Repeat silently) "Please, please, please, please,
please."

Plow Pose
Posture: Position a tall stack of index books on a library
table. Crouch in front of the stack.
Mudra/Action: Make a fist of your left hand, with the index
finger extended. Slowly run the extended finger down page after
page of the first book. Close book, set aside and repeat with
next book. Plow through the whole stack, then drag the stack in
front of you again and repeat. Continue plowing until library
closes.
Mantra: (Repeat in an urgent whisper): "Where? Where? Where?
Where? Where?"

Crow Pose
Posture: Form two fists and thrust both arms upward. Throw
back your head, grin maniacally, squeeze your eyes shut. This
exercise can be performed either seated or standing; for maximum
effect, begin in a seated position with the upward arm thrust,
then leap suddenly to your feet, knocking over your chair behind
you.
Mudra/Action: From time to time, drop your head to your
chest, bend your right arm and pump your fist vigorously.
Variation: Perform clog dance around fallen chair.
Mantra: (Shout exultantly) "Yesssss! Yessssss! Yessssss!
Hahahahahahaha."
Continue until ejected from the premises.

Downward Dog
Posture: (Must be done in a cemetery.) Place yourself
squarely in front of a weathered tombstone, facing the stone.
With your feet flat on the ground, lean forward until your hands
are also resting on the ground. Your body will form an isosceles
triangle, with your rear end at the apex. Raise your head and
squint at the tombstone.
Mudra/Action: Balancing carefully, raise your right arm and
run your fingertips very lightly over the surface of the stone,
attempting to decipher it. Hold breath, and continue for one
minute.
Mantra: (At end of the minute, exclaim once, explosively)
Piffle!
Move to next tombstone. Repeat until sunset.

Tree Pose
Posture: (Best done in the back of a crowded research
seminar.) Obtain an eight-pound syllabus; two bulky notebooks;
and three grocery sacks full of newly purchased, very thick,
very heavy, hardcover books. Clutch these items to your chest
with both arms. Simultaneously, dangle a heavy purse from your
left shoulder and a heavy tote bag from your right shoulder.
(Men: Instead of a purse, obtain a second tote bag and fill with
rocks.) Stand erect, stretching neck as high as possible to see
over people standing in front of you.
Mudra/Action: Move head back and forth (imitate the branches
of a tree on a windy day), to see around the standees who are
shuffling and shifting position in front of you. Continue to end
of lecture.
Mantra: (Hiss through clenched teeth): "What'dhesay?
What'dhesay?"

Corpse Pose
Posture: (Can be done anywhere, but is most frequently
performed on a floor in the privacy of one's home.) To assume
posture, collapse flat on your back, legs outstretched, arms at
side, hands upturned helplessly. Roll your eyes up to focus on
a point in the middle of your forehead.
Mudra/Action: Alternately twitch your left eyelid and right
shoulder. Repeat for five minutes, then slowly and rhythmically
begin banging the back of your head against the floor. Bang for
five minutes. Alternate twitching and banging until someone
throws a bucket of cold water in your face.
Mantra: (In a loud, plaintive wail during the banging phase)
"Why didn't I ask Grandma when I had the chance?!? Why? WHY?!?"

Mastering these few, simple yogealogy gen-kriyas, will mean that
you, too, will soon be on the cutting edge of cool, the envy of
hip-hop hype-meisters everywhere.

Next: Obtaining a genealogy black belt.

THE ZEN OF GENEALOGY

by Beth Maltbie Uyehara
PERMISSION TO REPRINT articles from MISSING LINKS is granted
unless specifically stated otherwise, PROVIDED: (1) the reprint
is used for non-commercial, educational purposes; and (2) the
following notice appears at the end of the article:
Written by [author's name, e-mail address, and URL, if
given]. Previously published by Julia M. Case and Myra
Vanderpool Gormley, CG, Missing Links, Vol. 6, No. 30,
25 July 2001. RootsWeb: http://www.rootsweb.com/

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