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From: "Julia A. (Heaton)Krutilla" <>
Subject: Funny Epitaphs for a slow weekend.
Date: Sat, 21 Nov 1998 16:06:05 -0500


Hello,

Thought you might enjoy some Epitaphs during this slow Email period.

Julia

********

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery,
>Nova Scotia:
> Here lies
> Ezekial Aikle
> Age 102
> The Good Die Young.
>
> In a London, England cemetery:
> Ann Mann
> Here lies Ann Mann,
> Who lived an old maid
> But died an old Mann.
> Dec. 8, 1767
>
> In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
> Anna Wallace
> The children of Israel wanted bread
> And the Lord sent them manna,
> Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
> And the Devil sent him Anna.
>
> Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
> Here lies
> Johnny Yeast
> Pardon me
> For not rising.
>
> Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania
>cemetery:
> Here lies the body
> of Jonathan Blake
> Stepped on the gas
> Instead of the brake.
>
> In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
> Here lays Butch,
> We planted him raw.
> He was quick on the trigger,
> But slow on the draw.
>
> A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
> Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes who died
>January 3,
> 1803. His comely young widow, aged 23, has many
>qualifications of a
> good wife, and yearns to be comforted.
>
> A lawyer's epitaph in England:
> Sir John Strange
> Here lies an honest lawyer,
> And that is Strange.
>
> Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
> I was somebody.
> Who, is no business of yours.
>
> Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco,
>Arizona in
> the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot
>Hill Cemetery in
> Tombstone, Arizona:
> Here lies Lester Moore
> Four slugs from a .44
> No Les No More.
>
> John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
> Reader if cash thou art
> In want of any
> Dig 4 feet deep
> And thou wilt find a Penny.
>
> On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond,
>Virginia:
> She always said her feet were killing her
> but nobody believed her.
>
> In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
> On the 22nd of June
> - Jonathan Fiddle -
> Went out of tune.
>
> Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an
>epitaph that
> sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:
> Here lies the body of our Anna
> Done to death by a banana
> It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
> But the skin of the thing that made her go.
>
> More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London,
>England:
> Gone away
> Owin' more
> Than he could pay.
>
> Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood:
> In Memory of Beza Wood
> Departed this life
> Nov. 2, 1837
> Aged 45 yrs.
> Here lies one Wood
> Enclosed in wood
> One Wood
> Within another.
> The outer wood
> Is very good:
> We cannot praise
> The other.
>
> On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
> Under the sod and under the trees
> Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
> He is not here, there's only the pod:
> Pease shelled out and went to God.
>
> The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is
>almost a consumer
> tip:
> Who was fatally burned
> March 21, 1870
> by the explosion of a lamp
> filled with "R.E. Danforth's
> Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"
>
> Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
> Born 1903--Died 1942
> Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
> the car was on the way down. It was.
>
> In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
> Here lies an Atheist
> All dressed up
> And no place to go.

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