PADUTCH-LIFE-L Archives

From: "Vee L. Housman" <>
Subject: 4-Smart Boy
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1998 11:15:07 -0400

THE SMART BOY

Last Thursday I and Polly were visiting Mike Seeshusl on the other
side of the mountain. Their boy had just come home from college. Mike
is a farmer and his son was born naturally weak in stature and since the
boy was of no use on the farm, Mike sent him off to college.

We'd only been visiting for fifteen minutes when Mike began telling
how sorry he was that his son couldn't speak Dutch anymore. "And the
worst is," he said, "his learning is so high that we can barely
understand
his English anymore."

"Well, I asked, "How long was he away to school?"

"Oh, just two weeks, but he thinks so deeply and uses such high
words that it makes you real tired to listen to him when he talks,
especially since I can't understand him half the time."

Then the Mike's son entered the room.

"Well, Johnny," I said, "how do you like school?"

"Aw deah, its way out of sight. I, ah, was tempted never to come
back again. This place is entirely too slow for me, and if it hadn't
been
for the bonds of consanguinity that bound me to this deah old home I
should have stayed at college until I had gwaduated!"

"Oh, shi..., and have you forgotten your Dutch?" I asked.

"No, not altogether, ah, but it is such a hawrid corruption, such a
supersquirtical conglomeration of lingual analysis that I have almost
concluded to drop it from my vocabulary!"

I sat there for a long time looking at the floor wishing I were a
turtle so that I could pull my head back into my shell, but I couldn't
do
that because it almost dinnertime, and I could smell ham frying.
Everything remained silent for about five minutes. The boy fingered
with his mustache until it covered his lips. Then he pushed his cuffs
beyond his sleeves so that we could see his golden cufflinks. Finally he
said:

"Mr. Boonastiel, I have secured the agency for an encyclopedia
for this country, and I am thinking you ought to have one."

This was too much for Polly, and she burst out, "Yaw, just fetch
one of those bewitched things into my house, and there'll be smoke in
my kitchen. One time Gottlieb rode down the hill on one of those darn
things and almost broke his neck!"

Johnny explained to her that an encyclopedia was not something for
riding, and that it was a book to be used for finding difficult words,
but
Polly declared that I already used too many high words when I come
home late after drinking.

Soon dinner was ready. We all helped ourselves to a big dish full of
salad and potatoes. The ham was served on a large plate. We all dipped
our bread in the ham broth--except Johnny. He sat at one end of the
table with about a dozen small dishes scattered near him. A little
napkin
covered his breast, and occasionally he'd wipe his mouth with it. I
watched him until I started to feel sick, then I got up and returned to
the living room. Mike came after me and asked what was wrong. I told
him that it was such a shame to send a child off to school to trade all
his good common sense for such a tiny bit of useless education.

"I know what you mean, Gottlieb, but what can I do? He's already
started to study Latin."

“Ground him! Stand right behind him, and if he fights back at all let
him have it on the flank! Ask him what hawlabus, dungabus, fieldabus
means in Latin. Break a stick over him if he doesn't get right to it. If
you don't, he'll break your heart."

The old man went outside and found himself a long apple switch. I
and Polly left for home. As we were passing the manure pile we could
hear whipping sounds coming from inside the wagon shed. For each
lashing we could hear the words: "donnerwetterabus! hawlabus!
dungabus! fieldabus! shovel it now!"

The next day Johnny was hard at work hauling manure. I heard
that Mike discharged his hired help and is once again the complete
master of his farm.

Moral: A little bit of learning goes a long way.

* * *
Note: This collection of Boonastiel stories was written by H. A. Harter
in the original Penna-Dutch dialect and were published in the Keystone
Gazette, Bellefonte, PA, between 1894 and 1904. They were
translated and transcribed by Bob James of Alaska and they are being
posted to this PADUTCH-LIFE mailing list with his permission.

This thread:

• 4-Smart Boy by "Vee L. Housman" <>