PADUTCH-LIFE-L Archives

From: "Vee L. Housman" <>
Subject: 18-The Tortoise
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1998 12:09:19 -0400

THE TORTOISE

What do you know about the tortoise? He is not a fish, not a
bird, and not a mammal. He can walk, swim, and run, and best of
all he knows how to hold his mouth shut!! He has four legs and
each leg has a name--shil-grut, dril-shut, tud-mortal and
snorting-tapper. If a father could provide a house for each of his
children then his family would be fortunate indeed, but the tortoise
is much better off than even this, for he is born with his home
attached to his back--and it is a nicer home than any man could ever
build.

It is a home which will house the tortoise for as long as he
lives--no lawyer can put a lien on it, and no banker can put a
mortgage on it. It is a home requiring no rent, no tax, and no
insurance. It is fire, water, and burglar-proof. When the sun shines,
the tortoise can use its home for a parasol, and during stormy
weather it can withdraw its head and legs and remain perfectly dry.

The tortoise has very little to say, but spends most of his time
sitting in a fence corner preoccupied with his own thoughts. He
alone knows when to speak. When he goes hunting he carries his
home along; therefore, always having his own bed to sleep in. In
fact, the tortoise is a sort of loafer who still pays off his debts.
The
tortoise has a great many advantages over mankind. If someone
undesirable should come to visit, he just draws in his head, locks his
door and appears absent to the outsider. When housecleaning time
arrives he can lock himself inside until the wife is finished scolding;
afterwards, he may come out to appreciate how sparkling clean his
home has become.

If a drunk happened along and mistakenly used him as a
newspaper to lay upon while sleeping it off, the tortoise could wait
for the drunk to hide his money under the “newspaper” and, if he
cared, could have it all to himself. If the tortoise went to church
and happened to meet a storekeeper, one of those who would sell
poor people fourteen ounces of sugar for a sixteen ounce pound
and who is in church to reap fourteen years of salvation for
fourteen years of corruption, then the tortoise can first withdraw
into his home, lock all doors, and sleep until the sermon is ended.
Whenever the tortoise is approached by anyone with vain and
glorious ideas for changing the world, he can withdraw his head
and pretend that no one is at home until the nuisance has departed.
When the tortoise is in town on Sundays and encounter becomes
imminent with students who think they know all there is to know
but still not enough to behave properly in respectable society, then
the tortoise can halt its pace, withdraw into its shelter, and ignore
those who would pay no attention to him anyway.

Yes, in many ways the tortoise has advantages over mankind.
He needs to pay no miller, no tailor, and no shoemaker; goes
bareheaded, barefooted, and completely naked all year round and
still feels no discomfort and cold. He owns the whole world insofar
as he can set his house wherever he pleases. He often reaches one
hundred years in age, since he takes no medicine, and when he dies
he leaves a house behind which no one else will inhabit. He makes
no will and departs this world leaving nothing behind for lawyers to
milk. Not permitting himself to be buried, his mortal remains are
disposed of by nature. He never bothers himself with thoughts of
life after death; indeed, he is only too happy to be released from this
life.

We can learn much from the tortoise. He is not predisposed to
conflict with the rest of the world and permits others to go freely on
their way. He knows not from where he comes and fears not for his
destiny, but while he is here, he tries to do the best he can, settles
his own business accounts wherever he goes, and attends strictly to
his own affairs.

* * *

Note: This collection of Boonastiel stories was written by H. A.
Harter in the original Penna-Dutch dialect and were published in the
Keystone Gazette, Bellefonte, PA, between 1894 and 1904. They
were translated and transcribed by Bob James of Alaska and they
are being posted to this PADUTCH-LIFE mailing list with his
permission.

This thread:

• 18-The Tortoise by "Vee L. Housman" <>