PADUTCH-LIFE-L Archives

From: "Vee L. Housman" <>
Subject: 25-House Cleaning Fever
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1998 13:04:56 -0400

HOUSE CLEANING FEVER

The painting and house cleaning fever has been lying dormant
in Polly for a few weeks, and I was hoping that it wouldn't break
out. However, on Monday morning before I was even up I could
hear a banging in the house. Finally, I went to the window. In the
yard stood a wheelbarrow with a load of lime. For awhile I stood
and considered whether I shouldn't crawl out on the roof and yell
for help. Finally, I went downstairs for my breakfast. It was then
that Polly announced that everything was all ready for me to start at
the whitewashing business. Then I knew that she had the fever for
sure, and I told her I wasn't in the mood for whitewashing.

I didn't know it at the time, but she had already asked for
Six-Foot Betz to help with the house cleaning. Betz was told to be
waiting in the garden before breakfast. I guess they had everything
neatly arranged. Anyhow, Betz came and told me that I was to
begin whitewashing at any time. I told her that before I did any
whitewashing, the devil could cast me into the flames just like I was
another of his worn-out gloves. Then she said that the devil was
busy at the time taking care of other sins at the Mountain and had
appointed her as his deputy for a few days.

Now, Betz is built like a heavy work horse with legs like trees,
but with roots that extend upward. She rolled up her sleeves over
her long, blue arms and spat in her hands to get started. As things
were, I didn't feel too good about any of this. Seeing Six-Foot Betz
stand before me in her short underclothes made me wish I'd never
said anything about whitewashing or that the devil himself would
have shown up rather than his deputy.

However, I want to explain that for sometime she has had
feelings of spite for me, and before I knew it this foul woman picked
me up like a shovel and began to flail my body against the plum
trees until their tops began to break off. I screamed at her to stop
trying so hard, but she seemed too busy to hear me. She kept on
going until she broke off all the plum saplings in my fruit orchard.
When she finally let me go I had to pinch myself to find out if I
were still alive. Then I went straight to whitewashing, since I'm
always ready to do anything to prevent discord in the household.

Polly came walking across the garden rows and asked me why
I looked so pale. I said that I had a pain in my heart. I was too
proud to own up to the fact that I'd been whipped by Betz. I told
her that if I weren't too much of a gentleman to strike a woman,
then by thunderation I would have beaten her. Polly laughed until
her bad mood dissolved away.

I was convinced that I had to do something about Betz, so that
evening I set out for Squire Lawbuck's place to swear out a
complaint against her. The Squire said that there were no
constables available at the mountain that would tackle Betz, and he
couldn't do much for me. Then I realized how hopeless the
situation was.

So far this week I've whitewashed our house fence three times,
and I'll keep on doing it so long as Betz is here or until all the lime
on the Mountain is used up.

* * *

Note: This collection of Boonastiel stories was written by H. A.
Harter in the original Penna-Dutch dialect and were published in the
Keystone Gazette, Bellefonte, PA, between 1894 and 1904. They
were translated and transcribed by Bob James of Alaska and they
are being posted to this PADUTCH-LIFE mailing list with his
permission.

This thread:

• 25-House Cleaning Fever by "Vee L. Housman" <>