PADUTCH-LIFE-L Archives

From: "Vee L. Housman" <>
Subject: 26-Gentlemen of the Jury
Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1998 11:35:22 -0400

GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY

Last week I was in town sitting on a jury. I can't help but
think that I must be one of the most genteel of gentlemen in our
part of the country, because that's what the lawyer said over and
over again as he made his speech. "Gentlemen of the jury," he said
a dozen times, each time looking me in the eyes, and I took that to
be sufficient proof that he considered me to be among the elite
gentry in these parts.

And if I have to say it myself, considering all things, I too
am entitled to being called a gentleman. What is a gentleman,
anyhow? Well, it's a man who knows how to make a living without
working too hard. Someone who works like poor Johnny Honnabarger is
a common wage earner. Hullerheck is a tavernkeeper but no
gentleman. Billy Bifflemoyer does any kind of business--handles
horses, peddles chickens, and other things, and therefore he's not
a gentleman. In the case of Pastor Mohler, I don't know, because he
has to attend to church matters in order to make a living, and it
seems to me he is just another one of the weekday gentlemen, and a
Sunday wage-earner, since he has to earn his wages from others who
attend church every Sunday.

But I am one of the few who has never worked in any way for
all of my life. Polly owns our house, the cattle, the three acres
of land, and has additional income that she receives on the money
her father left her. She occasionally travels to the town market to
sell butter, eggs, schnitz, limburger cheese, beans
and nearly anything else that she's been able to raise. She makes
our living, and I don't have any problems with working, or
business, and have plenty of time to sit on the porch at
Hullahecka's to wait for one of the politicians to come into town
and set up the "jiggers" at which time I take it straight out of
the black bottle. For all these reasons I am truly “the gentleman
of Rabbit Mountain.” It's no wonder that they put me on the jury,
and it's no wonder that the lawyer would look me in the eye as he
said, "gentleman of the jury."

It was an interesting case that they were trying. The way I
understood it the defendant was a fellow from Doodletown, and they
endighted him for stealing a few pairs of striped trousers. The
state attorney made a speech, called up three witnesses, one after
another, and each one had to make an oath on the Bible to tell the
truth. Each one swore that he saw the defendant steal the trousers.
Well, then the defending attorney made his speech, after which he
called up four witnesses--all Doodletowners--and each one swore
that the defendant couldn't have stolen the trousers. Then both
lawyers made speeches where they directly addressed the jury, and
by their expressions, I knew they could only be referring to me.
Then the judge delivered his summary. He too could not forget the
gentlemen of the jury (myself), and he wanted to remind the jury (me)
that our verdict should be made according to the weight of the
evidence. Three witnesses swore that they saw the defendant steal
the trousers, and four swore that he couldn't have stolen the
trousers. Since four witnesses weigh more than three witnesses, we
decided according to the “weight” of the evidence that he was not
guilty and that the Doodletown constabulary would pay for court
costs and the cost of the stolen trousers. And this proved once
again how much you can depend upon a jury which was fortunate
enough to carry such a gentleman as myself.

* * *

Note: This collection of Boonastiel stories was written by H. A. Harter
in the original Penna-Dutch dialect and were published in the Keystone
Gazette, Bellefonte, PA, between 1894 and 1904. They were translated
and transcribed by Bob James of Alaska and they are being posted to this
PADUTCH-LIFE mailing list with his permission.

This thread:

• 26-Gentlemen of the Jury by "Vee L. Housman" <>