PADUTCH-LIFE-L Archives

From: "Vee L. Housman" <>
Subject: 27-Fourth of July Speech
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 1998 15:38:25 -0400

FOURTH OF JULY SPEECH

Once we had a fourth of July celebration in Rabbit Mountain,
and I can tell you this. Had George Washington been with us he'd
have really wondered what kind of people live in the land that he
and Christopher Columbus discovered. I was scheduled to make a
speech, and I had to read through two school books before I had
found enough stuff to put a speech together. I told Billy Bixler to
lead the crowd into applauding after I ran out of material. Johnny
Lawbuck led me to the stand and introduced me as a “big
Washington” orator.

The stand stood six feet high on wooden props. I asked for a
glass of water which I placed next to my top hat on a table. Every
time I took a drink Billy Bixler started to applause to give me time to
think about my next words. As best I can remember, these are the
words of my speech:

Good-hearted, fellow guests! You've all gathered here today to
hear me speak. You can all be grateful to have the privilege of
listening to a person of my knowledge and experience. Washington
and Christopher Columbus are dead and buried, but we, their
grandchildren, are still carrying on the tradition. When Washington
cut down the cherry tree with his little hatchet and his Daddy asked
him what he had done, George stepped up and said, "Daddy, I
cannot tell a lie. It was me with my little hatchet."

When I was a small child I took that story to heart, and I
wanted to experience its truth for myself. So I cut down one of my
Daddy's nice young pear trees. He came home and asked, "My dear
little Gottlieb, who did this thing?" Then I said, "Daddy, I cannot
lie, it was I with my little saw." What did my Daddy do then? He
took me firmly by the arm and led me to the woodshed. Then he let
me have it with a whip until the grease was coming out of my hide
like the runners on cold liverwurst. I made up my mind that for the
rest of my life I'd never tell the truth again, and it turned out to be
one of the only resolutions that I've never broken."

Billy Bixler started to clap his hands and the others joined him.
The commotion startled old Sammy Sendapetzer's big hound dog
who was underneath the stand near the lemonade barrel. The
frightened dog jumped, struck a wooden prop, and the stand
crumbled to the ground. I went down with the stand and Betts
Biffelmoyer, who stood only five feet away, fell down on top of me.
Now, I'm not a heavy built man, as you can see this from my
photograph, but if I weren't as thin as I am, by generosity, I think
she would have broken me into two pieces. She didn't hurt herself,
just a little bruise on her back. I looked like a corncob stripped of
its
kernels, didn't feel too good, and was happy to be alive. They
picked me up and carried me into Hullahecka's saloon. There
Doctor Gnuchasager [Sawbones] put me back together again with
strings and bandages and sent me back home in a wheelbarrow. I've
recovered enough so that I can eat and drink a little, but I'm still not
well enough to walk to Hullahecka's.

If anyone has an urge to do something for their country, then
send me a few gallons of liquor and tonic water to help tune up my
throat.

* * *

Note: This collection of Boonastiel stories was written by H. A.
Harter in the original Penna-Dutch dialect and were published in the
Keystone Gazette, Bellefonte, PA, between 1894 and 1904. They
were translated and transcribed by Bob James of Alaska and they
are being posted to this PADUTCH-LIFE mailing list with his
permission.

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• 27-Fourth of July Speech by "Vee L. Housman" <>