PADUTCH-LIFE-L Archives

From: "Vee L. Housman" <>
Subject: 29-Who Should I Marry?
Date: Mon, 24 Aug 1998 15:46:15 -0400

WHO SHOULD I MARRY?

The other day I received a letter from a young man on the
other side of the mountain. This is the letter and my answer:

My Dear Boonastiel: I read the letters from Rabbit Mountain
every week, and I believe that you are pretty levelheaded. I would
like to marry. There are a number of girls that I could have, and I
don't know which one to pick. I would like for you to tell me what I
should do?

Johnny Louseknicker.

Well, Johnny, first I would like to tell you that marriage is a
darn ticklish business. The three most important events in every
man's life are: being born, marrying, and dying. An unsuccessful
marriage has a lot to do with dying. A wife who can sing like a
robin and bakes bread resembling a whetstone could soon send you
off to eternity. Even at that, her singing still wouldn't get you into
heaven.

The fact is, my young friend, if any of your girlfriends has any
horse sense, then hang on to her like a young bulldog to a piece of
liver. A girl can learn everything at school, but at home there's
nothing more important than common sense, and without that she's
not worth the devil's due. A good education is an accomplishment.
Common sense is a necessity. It doesn't make any difference
whether your wedding brings a pile of money from her family or
yours. If she can't manage it, then your wealth will vanish like the
mist in the wind. It doesn't make any difference how well she can
bang on the piano, cooking buckwheat tough enough for shoe soles
will not only make a man hard to live with but also angry. A good
housekeeper for a woman is worth a lot, provided you are rich
enough to keep her on a shelf wrapped in cotton. Buying corset
strings for a dress brings no sausage home, and reading novels
doesn't buy clothes for the baby.

Marry for love, but not for your puppy love. Beauty goes just
as deep as the skin, but happiness lasts forever. Don't marry for
wealth. If your marriage happens to bring wealth, no doubt it will
come in handy, but loving for money doesn't get you any higher
than the steam from fresh horse manure. Don't marry to pay off
your debts. Settle up before you settle down. Start with a little bit.
Don't haul a furniture store into your home as a start. Buy piece by
piece as you can afford it, and you'll feel better than if you bought
everything at one time on the installment plan.

When you finally have your wife, treat her like a person and
not like a dog. Spend your evenings with her and not in a tavern.
Don't keep secrets from her. Let her know how deep your purse is
and that half of it is hers. If she has any consideration she won't ask
for clothing that you can't afford. A little argument now and then is
better than bad peace, but don't quarrel unless you have to, and let
her know who wears the pants.

Most people say marriage is a mess. So it is, but men still hold
nearly all the tickets. Just remember a wife is like a cigarette match.
You can rub them a long time without getting burned, but try to step
on them once, they'll ignite spitting lightning and thunder and
striking back where you'd least expect it.

* * *

Note: This collection of Boonastiel stories was written by H. A.
Harter in the original Penna-Dutch dialect and were published in the
Keystone Gazette, Bellefonte, PA, between 1894 and 1904. They
were translated and transcribed by Bob James of Alaska and they
are being posted to this PADUTCH-LIFE mailing list with his
permission.

This thread:

• 29-Who Should I Marry? by "Vee L. Housman" <>