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From: "Vee L. Housman" <>
Subject: 39-The Census Numerator
Date: Thu, 03 Sep 1998 13:07:20 -0400


[Vee's note. Do you get the feeling that the following story might
explain some of the off-the-wall census statistics you've recorded in
the years that you've been tracing your family!]

THE CENSUS NUMERATOR

The other day a fellow came around who called himself a
"census numerator." He said census numerators were supposed to
find out how many people are living here at the Mountain, and how
many of them are literate and so forth. He stopped by Mike
Dubriggel's and went in to see his wife. Now, Mrs. Dubriggel
knows just enough to come in out of the rain and to go to bed when
it gets dark. As soon as she saw the census numerator with his
notebook she yelled, "Get out of here! I don't use any backache
medicine, and I don't need any eye glasses to see that you're a
darned salesman!"

"I don't peddle any medicines or reading glasses," said the
census numerator, "but I must ask you a few questions. My
business is to find out how many people live in Hullabeera
Township, and if you don't want to cooperate with me, I can fine
you thirty dollars."

"How the devil would I know how many people are living
here? But I can help you count them. We have Gottleib Boonastiel
and his wife Polly; Sam Sesshuls and his wife and their six
children--that makes ten, and that is all that I can count since I don't
have any more fingers. But you if you wait a minute, I'll take my
shoes off and count on my toes . . ."

"No, no," said the numerator. "I just want to know about
your own household. Are you married?"

"Married? Where the devil do you think all the children came
from if I weren't married? Of course I'm married, and my husband
is out working in the corn field, but Wasser [pet dog] is laying on
the back porch."

"How old are you?"

"Well, I was born during the oat harvest, but just what year I
swear I couldn't tell you. But I'm sure it was a pretty long time ago,
because I know I was a young girl when old Sammy Petzmiller's
grandfather was buried and . . ."

"How long have you been married?"

"I really can't tell you. I placed a check mark on the calendar
date of our wedding, but then I lost the calendar."

"How many children have you, and how old are they?"

"Well, there is Bill--he was born soon after we were married.
Then there's Sam, there's Mike, Sara, Suss, Jim, Mary, the twins,
and the baby, and about their ages you'll have to talk to Mike. He
marked that all on the barn door."

"Are they all literate?"

"Literate? Now mind you, Mike only worked for three weeks
as a hustler in a tavern until he could speak better English than
Dutch. Jim can read like a lawyer if there aren't any capital letters,
and you ought to hear Mary when she plays the Jew's harp. Sam
wants to become an actor, and Bill wants to learn medicine. Right
now he's tending Doctor SeeshulsÂ’ horse.

The numerator went out to examine the barn door, and from
there he went to the cornfield to find Mike who gave him the
balance of the statistics to satisfy Uncle Sam.

* * *

Note: This collection of Boonastiel stories was written by H. A.
Harter in the original Penna-Dutch dialect and were published in the
Keystone Gazette, Bellefonte, PA, between 1894 and 1904. They
were translated and transcribed by Bob James of Alaska and they
are being posted to this PADUTCH-LIFE mailing list with his
permission.

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