PADUTCH-LIFE-L Archives

From: "Vee L. Housman" <>
Subject: 41-Give Me Chewing Tobacco
Date: Sat, 05 Sep 1998 14:48:46 -0400

GIVE ME CHEWING TOBACCO

The other evening I was sitting in Hullerhecka's barroom. It
was cold, so now and then Hullerhecka threw a piece of hickory in
his old Hathaway stove to keep us warm. Around the stove sat
about a dozen residents of Rabbit Mountain waiting for an election
candidate to drop by and set us up. The candidates must have been
operating in another part of the county that night, since none ever
showed up, and a more thirsty crowd of bar flies you couldn't have
found far and wide.

Near the stove sat a huge box of firewood. Mike Blotner had
just passed around a large block of Navy chewing tobacco. Of
course, we country people get to use chewing tobacco as much as
we get to drink a jigger from the black bottle. Since one block of
chewing tobacco is large enough to pass around for everyone and
only costs ten cents, it's handier to use and more often taken.

Well, we waited and waited, and after awhile we waited some
more, but no candidates showed up. Finally, Sam Schnitzler began
talking about good things to eat. He claimed that a good mess of
apple dumplings, baked by his wife, were the best thing in the
world. Mike Hovice was listening. He said that if he could get
another piece of the honey cake that used to be sold at the old-time
auctions, he'd be ready to make contract to live off honey cake and
nothing else. Sam Schnitzler said that a good watermelon was royal
eating and could knock the crumbs out of honey cake anytime.

I just let them go and thought deeply while chewing on my
tobacco. Finally, Sammy Sensawetzer said that a good mince pie
was his choice, and Sammy Seeshuls jumped right in to take his side
provided that the pie filling was spiced with plenty of whiskey. Billy
Blotner pointed out that it was a sin to soak a pie in so much
whiskey. Sammy Sensawetzer let on that a good turnip stew would
satisfy him about as much as anything. Billy Bixler winked and I
nodded back. We both knew that the rich old coot was living off his
turnip crop because he couldn't sell it all. Mike Dubrigel said mush
and milk made his appetite, and Fridder Michelmoyer picked up by
arguing for the old style sweet apples that ripened after harvest with
plenty of manure. I held back as the discussion went along. Finally,
it was my turn as Jeck Conrad turned to me and said, "There sits
Gottlieb, not saying a word. What is your pick?"

"Well, boys," I said, "I'm not a delicate person. For day in and
day out, for morning, noon, and nights, give me chewing tobacco."

"Bully for Boonastiel! You are, by gosh, right again!" said
Hullerheck. "Come up to the bar, all hands, and have a jigger from
the black bottle on my credit!"

We all had our drink, and it drained the black bottle.
Hullerheck had to go to the cellar to bring another, but he made sure
to refill the whiskey barrel with a bucket of rain water and a pound
of red pepper.

* * *

Note: This collection of Boonastiel stories was written by H. A.
Harter in the original Penna-Dutch dialect and were published in the
Keystone Gazette, Bellefonte, PA, between 1894 and 1904. They
were translated and transcribed by Bob James of Alaska and they
are being posted to this PADUTCH-LIFE mailing list with his
permission.

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• 41-Give Me Chewing Tobacco by "Vee L. Housman" <>