PADUTCH-LIFE-L Archives

From: "Vee L. Housman" <>
Subject: 59-New Year's Resolution
Date: Wed, 23 Sep 1998 12:29:12 -0400

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION

Thirty-four times I've sworn off drinking--every New Year
since I was thirty years old. Last New Year I turned a blade and
didn't swear off drinking. However, I made up my mind that I'd do
even better even though I promised nothing. The old trick of
swearing off just so we'd be asked to join in a drink hadn't worked
with Hullerheck since last New Year. After too many of his
customers tried the same old gag, he ruffled his feathers and carried
on like an old rooster. Anyhow, promises lead to debts, and God
knows I have my share of debts.

I promised myself to pay off all my debts next summer. The
other day I visited old Sammy Sendapetzer to ask what he'd pay me
to work on his farm. He asked me what kind of work I could do. I
told him nearly anything, plowing, rake hay, ride horse for planting
corn, haul grain to the mill, clean up tools, ironing, housekeeping,
painting, and nearly anything a woman can do except gossiping to
the neighbor woman with a mouth full of clothespins while hanging
out laundry. Old Sammy agreed that I was a handyman and directly
offered seven dollars a month.

"And the board?" I asked.

"Of course."

"Well," I said, "That's a pretty big thing with me. I'm a big
eater I was born hungry, and I haven't eaten my fill for the past
seven years. If I could I'd eat five times a day with bread and
cheese in between."

"Thunder and hailstones!" said Sammy. "What wages would
you want for just eating all the time?"

That about half tore me up. I guess he didn't mean anything
by it, but it sounded nasty. Times were getting so bad that I'd made
up my mind that if it were no longer possible for a poor man to eat
himself full then he might just as well hang himself. A man had to
work hard as the devil and then just barely make a living.

If I don't find any farm work to do by Spring then I'll go back
to work on my patent rights. I made another improvement to my
single track, self-balancing railway. I've now discovered a way to
generate the steam--which propels everything--from water before
the water even enters the boiler. I've also been inventing a
burglarproof safe--one that can hold a skunk. I defy any robber to
survive very long in a safe room containing skunk piss. I've got
everything finished now except for catching a skunk kitten and
taking it down to Washington to apply for a patent.

* * *

Note: This collection of Boonastiel stories was written by H. A.
Harter in the original Penna-Dutch dialect and were published in the
Keystone Gazette, Bellefonte, PA, between 1894 and 1904. They
were translated and transcribed by Bob James of Alaska and they
are being posted to this PADUTCH-LIFE mailing list with his
permission.

This thread:

• 59-New Year's Resolution by "Vee L. Housman" <>