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Archiver > TXBELL > 2002-05 > 1020305767


From: "Jody Dillard" <>
Subject: [TXBELL] Wives Not Important
Date: Wed, 1 May 2002 21:16:07 -0500
References: <176.79892dd.2a01e9d3@aol.com>


Sandy,

You said the wives must not have been very important because their names
were rarely ever mentioned. It really gets frustrating when only the
husband's name was used in obituaries to refer to the wife, daughters or
sisters. Only as "Mrs. so and so. I think you will find it this way in
obituaries up through the 1960's. For young people researching their
families it becomes apparent how important the Women's Movement of the 70's
was and how much it achieved for us. It was more than just a rebellion for
equal rights in the work place. We were fighting for our identity.

When I got divorced in the state of Texas in 1971, I was not legally allowed
to take my maiden name back. Because I had children I was to continue using
the name of my ex-husband. As a single female I was not allowed to purchase
a home or car in my own name. I was required to have "a Male co-signer".
It was not until 1973 that these laws were changed in Texas. It took longer
in some other states, especially in the south. In defiance of this law,
when I moved to Nevada for a few months I went back to using my maiden name.
I changed all my legal documents there so that when I came back to Texas I
did not have to go through the courts to "get permission" to use my own
name.

My mother never gave her first name when asked. She was always just, Mrs.
J. C. Dillard. My dad died ten years before my mother, but she never
stopped calling herself by his name. And she never understood why I thought
that was strange. For a woman born in 1915, that was just the normal way of
things. Now, the younger generation finds it strange NOT to use their given
name.

If you look at some of the old tombstones you will notice that if the
woman's name is used at all, it is often her nickname, such as "Polly" wife
of John Doe. However, lately I have seen more tombstones with the wife's
maiden name on it. Maybe we are making progress.

Jody Dillard







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