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Archiver > WVPLEASA > 1999-04 > 0924831980


From: <>
Subject: Personal Response
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1999 21:46:20 EDT


Hi Linda!

We retired in Tellico Village, Loudon, Tn. in Jan 1991. I was born in Lewis
County on Sept 07, 1930. ( See..you're still young!) Ann Landers once wrote
that the best way to feel young was to find older friends.

My dad and all his people were from that area. My parents separated when
I was six and a half years old. We moved to Webster County where her people
helped us. I grew up there. Moved to Ohio in 1950. Worked, met my husband,
married and raised three children in Akron, Cuyahoga Falls and Tallmadge, Oh.
Our two daughters still live in Oh..both are Teachers in Cuyahoga Falls.

We found out our daughter was "expecting" at 4.30 am just before we were
ready to leave for Tn. They came over to say good-bye. They knew sooner,
but hadn't told us because they were afraid we would give up our dream, which
we had worked on for at least 5 years. That was an unselfish thing (much to
their later regret) We had bought a lot in 1987 (in a beautiful rustic area)
and planned to contract our own house. We moved into a townhouse while we
were building.

It was the right thing for us. We have spent three winters in Ohio..so the
babies wouldn't be left with a baby sitter...our daughter needed to
work..still does..or thinks she does. Personally, I don't know why they need
a new van every year ..and now they're looking for a bigger house.We have
told them that they have everything. When our first two were born we had so
few things we could move in the car...but they had a full time mother.

If we lived there our whole retirement would have revolved around the school
year and our three precious grandkids. We have such good times with
them..but they wear us down.When we're there, we work all the time. They let
things go because there's nobody at home minding the store.
Greg(son-in-law)is super with the kids, will cook and, etc., but doesn't
paint or fix things.

One winter we painted the whole house and wall papered the dining room,
kitchen, bordered all the others. Last June, we went up to help with the
wedding. We took our carpet cleaner in the trunk and cleaned carpet for both
daughters.

When we're there, I do all the cooking and laundry, plus some of the
cleaning. They don't ask me to do it. I just see how stressed out they are
and want to give them a break when I can.After baby sitting all week, we let
our daughter go shopping on Sat. We let them go out on Saturday night
because we think it's important for them to have time for each other without
the kids.

Usually, we stay about 2 weeks and come home absolutely exhausted. We feel
sick because we miss them so much, but know it's good that we live
out-of-state.

Back to your daughter. The problem starts the day she brings the baby into
your home. It will worm it's little way into your heart and suddenly have
priority over your entire life. Everything else will take a back seat. I
can tell you we would both be dead if we lived in Ohio.

My brother is 18 mos older than I. His oldest daughter got pregnant when she
was 18. They took care of the grandchild around the clock. The father
didn't want any claim to the baby.Finally, the daughter got married. They
took the child to another state. The Grandparents were devastated. They
were totally attached to their grandson and vice versa. However, they were
finally able to retire in AZ. Their youngest daughter had just graduated
from high schooland still lived with them. Wouldn't you know she ended up
pregnant and unmarried? Seven years later..daughter and granddaughter still
live with them. The daughter has a full time job, but doesn't make much
money. My brother and his wife are 70 years old and their retirement has
been destroyed. They coordinate everything around their daughter's and
granddaughter'sschedule. Their own daughter was a menopause baby.

People always say no one can take advantage of you unless you permit it.
That is really true, but who can explain what happens inside your heart to
cause you to want to make all these bad decisions and cloud your own good
judgement??

I know your dear little Grandchild will be loved..but make those hard
decisions before it arrives. 'm sure you and your husband are looking
forward to a carefree retirement, with time to do things that aren't possible
during your working years.

It would be good if your lovely daughter would patch things up with her
longtime
boyfriend and give their child two loving (and young) parents. That is..if
they care for each other enough to bring a child into the world. I don't say
this with harshness..it sounds right..but it's coming from a marshmallow.
You and your husband will learn something about yourselves as the situation
progresses.

Don't let this interfere with our Pleasants website. I think it's picking
up. If just a few will persevere, we can draw the crowds. The History is
very good. I think the seasoned researchers love answering dumb questions.
When I started out I sent some really dumb inquiries..just had no idea what
was on the www..or how to go there and find what I wanted.

I'm still struggling..but people have been wonderful. Strangers are willing
to share information that your family won't give you. Maybe they remember
how difficult it was when they first started.

It's good that you have professional experience in dealing with mental
disorders. That helps you understand the driven nature we seem to assume
when we aspire to trace our ancestors. You must feel like you're at work
sometimes when you read our information and questions. ;)

Bless you and your family,
Things will work out,

Lenore

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